I got pregnant at 27 in and in my fourth month of marriage. I should have felt perfectly wonderful and lucky, right? Wrong. I was terrified. Not because of my fears about being a mother, but because I thought I would not being able to finish my program. Getting this degree became a part of my identity a long time ago. The thought of abandoning it was devastating. Of course, the hormones helped dramatize things a bit, but still...
The article talked a bit (albeit not enough) about socialization. I was socialized to believe that both parents could work. Could. Not should. Some choose not to, but my mother is a natural caretaker and being a nurse was a big part of her identity. Working and making money and reaping the benefits through shopping sprees was, too. And people wonder where I get it...
Socialization only explains a piece of why women make the choice to work or stay home. Money is a huge part of it, too. The article mentions into this.
While staying home with children remains largely a privilege of the affluent (the greatest number of America’s SAHMs live in families with incomes of $100,000 a year or more), some of the biggest increases have been among younger mothers, ages 25 to 35, and those whose family incomes range from $75,000 to $100,000 a year.I'm sorry, but in my world, a family income of 75k isn't too shabby, either. The article bothered me a lot because of it's disregard for every family's different needs. Most families (e.g., families where one or more people work in education) cannot afford to have one parent stay home. Also, single parents do not have the option of staying at home. Last, dads stay at home too, and many do a damn good job of it. And okay, okay, I get that this article is illustrating a certain niche of American families; families that can afford this luxury. And I believe the purpose of the article is to describe a new (?) kind of feminism, one that explains why they do it. And I can see how some women want to be the organizers and glue of their families lives. I think it is honorable.
However, I would like to see a follow-up cover story about why women work. For me, it's about my identity in academia, my future clients, and the way I was raised. And yeah, it's about certainly also about money. I'd like to read a story about why other mothers do research, teach, work in social services, do pro bono work, etc. all while being the best mothers they can be. And why that "best" could be better, but for the sake of a lot of things - money, personal ambition, the love of others, etc. - it isn't. So for now, I will remain behind on my laundry. My son will eat boxed mac n' cheese every once in a while. My floors will go unswept. My husband's shirts will never be ironed. My garden will look like shit. And I will be inadequate in so many mommy and wife ways. But I will have my Ph.D. in a couple years, and I'll be so proud. I'll work with other people's kids every day, and eventually, I'll be an expert at it. And my own kids will be proud of me.
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